Behavior Is Communication: What Dementia Behaviors May Be Trying to Tell You
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Understanding the "why" behind common dementia behaviors
One of the biggest misconceptions about dementia is that people suddenly become "difficult."
They don't.
They become less able to communicate their needs in the ways they once did.
When words become harder to find...
Behavior often becomes communication.
Instead of asking:
"How do I stop this behavior?"
Try asking:
"What might they be trying to tell me?"
That simple question changes everything.
Common Reasons Behavior Changes
Maybe they're...
Hungry.
Cold.
Lonely.
Scared.
Overstimulated.
In pain.
Bored.
Tired.
Needing the bathroom.
Missing someone.
Feeling rushed.
Needing purpose.
Sometimes behavior is simply the body's way of saying,
"Something doesn't feel right."
"They're Repeating the Same Question"
What they might be communicating:
"I need reassurance."
"They're anxious."
"They don't remember asking."
"They're Following Me Everywhere"
Maybe they aren't trying to annoy you.
Maybe they're saying:
"I feel safest near you."
"They're Angry"
Anger is often a secondary emotion.
Ask yourself:
Are they frightened?
Confused?
Embarrassed?
Overwhelmed?
"They're Refusing to Bathe"
Maybe they're saying:
"I'm cold."
"I don't understand."
"I'm embarrassed."
"The water hurts."
"I've lost control."
"They're Wandering"
Maybe they're looking for:
Home.
Purpose.
Routine.
Someone they love.
Exercise.
A familiar place.
"They're Packing Their Bags"
Instead of saying:
"You're not going anywhere."
Ask yourself:
Where do they think they're going?
What feeling are they trying to return to?
Often "home" means safety not a physical house.
Ask Yourself These Five Questions
Every time a behavior changes...
Pause.
Ask:
Could they be hungry?
Could they be in pain?
Could they be tired?
Could they be overwhelmed?
What emotion might they be expressing?
One of the Best Things You Can Do...
Write it down.
Behavior patterns tell stories.
Did it happen before dinner?
Every afternoon?
After poor sleep?
When the room became noisy?
Tracking patterns often reveals the cause.
This is exactly why I encourage caregivers to keep simple daily notes.
Small observations can make a big difference over time.
One of the reasons we created Caring Well, our daily caregiver logbook, was to help families notice these patterns.
When multiple caregivers are involved, it's easy to miss important details.
Recording moods, behaviors, sleep, meals, medications, and observations in one place helps everyone recognize changes sooner and communicate more effectively.
Sometimes the most valuable clue isn't what happened once it's noticing what keeps happening.
Behavior Doesn't Define the Person
One difficult day...
One outburst...
One repeated question...
Doesn't erase a lifetime.
The person you love is still there.
The disease is simply changing how they communicate.
Final Thoughts
One of my favorite reminders is this:
Behavior is communication.
When we stop asking,
"How do I stop this?"
and begin asking,
"What might they be trying to tell me?"
our entire approach changes.
We become more patient.
More curious.
More compassionate.
And often, that's exactly what the person living with dementia needs most.